Statement from Helmut Kohl, Supreme Leader of the IRIDF Revolution
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
bismi-llāhi ar-raḥmāni ar-raḥīmi
The teaching of the IRIDF is all-powerful because it is true. It is complete and harmonious, providing men with a consistent view of the universe, which cannot be reconciled with any superstition, any reaction, any defence of bourgeois oppression. It is the lawful successor of the best that has been created by humanity in the nineteenth century.
Following a series of unmitigated and unprecedented talks between the IRIDF leadership and the IR.net administration at the IRIDF headquarters here in Douglas, a series of rational and balanced demands forwarded by the IRIDF have been met with negligence from the Seabird administration. The IRIDF had thus decided to pursue the struggle through purely political and democratic means. However, our just demands have been met with contempt from those in power.
"The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed." (Psalm 103:6)
The IR.net administration has enacted a series of criminalisation measures against IRIDF POWs. This is wrong. These men and women were and still are part of this struggle. They must be released. No longer can the Seabird administration renege on their promises and commitments. The copius amount of sand in Seabird's vagina is no obstacle to rational debate.
Through the 18th of May Movement and subsequent operations we have proved that our capabilities are capable. Operation Freak Out will thus commence until our demands in their entirety are met. People know us. Remember remember the 18th of November. We come back.
Helmut Kohl, Michael Martin, Ayatollah Khomeni, Ho Chi Mihn, George Michael, L Ron Hubbard, Seamas De Faoite, Bob Kindles, Comrade Kim of the DPRK.
Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade, Douglas, Federal Republic of the Isle of Mann (Marxist-Leninist).
Roll of honour: